Oh hello sweet ladies…I sit here at my desk after a long walk….cozied up by my trusty old space heater and drinking a big glass of green sludge.  My smoothie today was a definite fail.  :)

I recently wrote this in my journal - a prayer, my thoughts, words of inspiration and I read it to Josh.  Sometimes I do that because he is so busy sharing his deep creative thoughts with me so much, I often don’t share where my heart and mind are.  So, once in a while when I want him to really know what is going on in my spirit, I’ll read him an entry. 

This one really struck him, because it was in line with what the Lord was speaking to him, plus, at the time, it had to do with what he was about to teach on.  So, he asked me to share it on here…sadly it was back on Jan. 14 and I am just now getting around to it, but here you go.  I pray it speaks to you in some way - spurs you on, comforts you, reminds you, convicts you….I pray the Lord uses it in some tiny way in your day today.  Much love, Darcy

Entry from January 14.  Oh Lord, You are speaking so many themes to me right now…my heart and head are full of things I want to write down, but this morning, it hit me that 2012 was a year of discipline, refining, chastening and molding.  I pray that 2013 will be my year of just being saturated in your grace, Father.  I feel like even in the last couple of weeks I am seeing and learning so much about your loving attributes.  You:  the Burden Bearer, the Grace Giver, the Good Shepherd, the Lover of my soul.  Help me to truly understand that nothing that I do or don’t do can separate me from Your Presence; You are always with me, believing in me, loving me.  When I believe my relationship with You is based on fear and judgment and disappointment, it alienates me from You!  I want to stay close Lord - I want to live and love and thrive and hunt for beauty in the day that I am in - no more, no less.  Help me to be present with You, Father. 

Two things I am in the process of discovering:  how to live in a state of grace (finally learning how to give myself grace for the first time) and two, to learn, by living in the moment with You, that I can view my days of caring for our home, caring for the children and Josh, walking my dog - not through a lens of monotony or dread, but through a much different and vividly colored lens - one that reveals to me that I spend my days “creating” home and sanctuary - that there is beauty and skill in that…that I am learning to be faithful in the small things, learning to steward what You’ve already blessed me with, rather than pining for something new and different…that rather than getting restless in the flow of my days and searching for a different home or a different neighborhood or a different school or going to stores and seeking to recreate my environment (which only adds chaos and financial strife and unsettledness), that I can invest in, nurture and care for and just simply LOVE what is right in front of me…by choosing that way of living, my roots grow deeper and I am stronger and more centered.

At the beginning of 2012, I said that I wanted to become a beauty hunter (after reading 1,000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp).  At the beginning of 2013, I realize that you spent last year showing me that I was looking for it in the wrong places - You truly redirected my steps through Your refining fire.  And now I begin to see so much beauty when I am still before You and experiencing my life with gratitude…giving myself a little grace and just basking in Your love.  It is truly all around me.

Like right now, when my beautiful girl crawls into my lap with her blankie and tells me she can’t wait until after school because she wants to take a bubble bath with me.  :)

You are so good Lord.  Thank you.

And then…after writing that entry, I found these excerpts in different devotionals that I read throughout the day.  They each struck my heart:

“Gold does not ‘stay’ in the crucible - only until it is refined.”

“It is not life and its difficulties you have to conquer, only the self in you.”

“This is the BLESSED LIFE - not anxious to see far in front, nor careful about the next step, not eager to choose the path, nor weighted with the heavy responsibilities of the future, but quietly following behind the Shepherd, one step at a time.”

“God is in every tomorrow; therefore, I live for today.  Certain of finding at sunrise, guidance and strength for the way; power for each moment of weakness, hope for each moment of pain, comfort for every sorrow, sunshine and joy after rain.”

*forgive my run-ons and punctuation - i just typed what was in my journal…stream of consciousness.  :)

Hello my dears,

I wanted to write to you today to tell you about an evening we will be holding for the women of Door of Hope. On Thursday November 15, we will be gathering from 7-9 pm in the basement of the Annex (our church building). It is not going to be our normal format with potluck and devotional sharings. We are going to talk about the LIES that so many of us believe when it comes to our bodies and our appearances. 

I am amazed at how many women I have met within the last year that have experienced (or still are experiencing) major eating disorders and completely unhealthy relationships with food and their bodies. It is heartbreaking. I struggled for years with an eating disorder in my early twenties and honestly, it has left me with some “issues” that I still wrestle with today, as an (almost) 45 year old woman! We are calling the evening “BELIEVING THE LIE.”

We will have a formal announcement with further details, but I just wanted to make sure you get it on your calendars, if it something you are interested in working through with us. I will speak, I am sure Liza will share and I will also have several women share their journeys through their disorders and how the Lord has healed them. I think it will be a powerful night. I have pasted in an old devotional I wrote back in May of 2011 that I thought was appropriate as we look forward to our next evening together (p.s. warning: it’s really long!)

FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE

I do not have a devotional ready to type out, but I think of you all and your sweet hearts every day and just wanted to say hello! The Lord has been speaking SO much to me lately, that I really need to pick just “one” of the topics to write about! I think the main things on my heart are:

the power of prayer and confession
being the woman God created me to be…living my best life!
and BODY IMAGE ISSUES! 

He’s been so faithful to remind me that I am His beautiful daughter that He specifically designed….that who I am and where I am at is not accident. I am leaning toward talking about that. Why do women struggle so with the way we see ourselves? My husband can tell me I am beautiful and sexy all day long, but that is not what I see when I look in the mirror. Why can’t we remember that we need to be thankful for the temple the Lord has given us….that it is not our job to analyze every inch of our bodies and all of our problem parts…but to be SO grateful for the wonderful parts!! Whether it be your thick wonderful hair, your sparkling eyes, strong runner’s legs, hands that are able to create wonderful things, a laugh that draws people to yourself, a heart that melts with compassion for people..there are SO many blessings that he has given us. Regardless of our size and shape, He has given us these bodies, our hearts and our minds. It is our job to worship Him, pray prayers of thanksgiving for our “temples” and to take care of them!!

“I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Thy works, and my soul knows it very well.” Psalm 139:14

“Do you not know your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

How do we honor God with our body? NOT by being obsessed with it and constantly checking ourselves in the mirror, not by thinking about it all the time….about how we wish we were different. That is a complete attitude of ingratitude!! No….WE TAKE CARE OF IT! Not for any other reason but to be healthy and to honor God! This means some discipline and motivation….eating pure healthy, natural foods and moving our bodies! I am not a gym girl or even a runner. But I will tell you, my one hour early morning walks (which I try to do every single day, if it works with my family) are my lifeline (second to Jesus of course)!! My walks clear my head, center me, make me stop and absorb the beauty of nature and the changing seasons, and my walks free my mind up. They help me to not obsess about needing to exercise….they are simply ingrained in my lifestyle. Each day I know I will rise and spend time with the Lord and then take off on my little speed walk - both things free me up from the bondage of guilt and allow me to feel healthy in my mind and spirit and enjoy my day!

Balance in life is essential. Taking care of our bodies does not mean going on a starvation diet. Believe me, my dears, in my early 20’s I had an eating disorder….and that is NOT the way to go. I was trying to gain control of my life….being tiny (I didn’t get to the skeletal stage, I just got little) made me feel like I was in control of things. And, oh my goodness, I was not in control AT ALL! I was in complete and utter bondage to my eating disorder! Praise the Lord, that even though I was not walking with Him yet, I was able to come out of it on my own around the age of 28….right before I met Josh. It has caused me to have lifelong struggles with my body image. It’s a bummer. But now, I try to keep my eyes on Jesus and to be thankful for my shape. You know, this is not spiritual at all, but I read this book (and I’m sorry it is kind of a crass title), but it is called “French Women Don’t Get Fat.” (p.s. fat is a “bad word” in our household. i hate that word and don’t let my kids use it. although, they are not supposed to say hate either and i just said it….oops…now i’ll have to give them a quarter). 

Anyway, it is a great book and really changed my perspective on health. Earlier in life (post-eating disorder), I was always trying something….the Atkins diet, raw food only, etc.
But this book, that I read many years ago, made me see that balance is the way to go. And I know that is what the Lord would have for all of us, because any other obsessive type behavior takes our focus off of Him! The book talks about eating and living in a balanced fashion and it is really funny as well! On a day that I go to a nice dinner and know that I will have dessert and a glass of red wine, I will make sure that the prior day or the day after is full of lots of fruits and vegetables and I steer clear of sugar….so that I can really enjoy my yummy meal out without any thought of guilt. The Lord wants us to be healthy ladies. He wants us to enjoy our lives and our bodies. 

This may be the weirdest devotional you’ve ever read - but I know that probably almost every one of us have had struggles. I know 50+ year old women that still struggle with all of this garbage. A lot of you are young and it would be so awesome to get freed up from these obsessive thoughts about your body now, while you are still young. Take care of the beautiful temple the Lord has given you ladies! A lot of us have daughters and we have to be their role models. It is my job to teach Hattie NOT to be skinny or to be what the world sees as beautiful, but to enjoy going to the Farmer’s Market and picking out bright colorful fruits and vegetables and to enjoy being in the kitchen with momma and preparing the food and enjoying a family sit down dinner….to know how important it is to get outside and move and run and play and keep her little body active…to remind her that Jesus created her beautiful little body and that it is her job to take care of it! 

I read a line out of a book that I really liked, “If you are being faithful to take care of your body, give yourself grace.” That’s a good word.

Well, I guess I decided to write about body image stuff. :) As per my usual tradition, I have to share one of my favorite Streams in the Desert entries. I won’t share all of it, but it is pretty special to me.

Entry from Jan. 7:

“I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.” Phil. 4:11

(**OKAY I TAKE IT BACK…I’M SORRY, BUT I AM GOING TO SHARE THE WHOLE THING….IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL…YOU DON’T HAVE TO READ IT IF YOU DON’T WANT TO :) )

Paul, denied of every comfort, wrote the above words in his dungeon. A story is told of a king who went into his garden one morning, and found everything withered and dying. He asked the oak that stood near the gate what the trouble was. He found it was sick of life and determined to die because it was not tall and beautiful like the pine. The pine was all out of heart because it could not bear grapes, like the vine. The vine was going to throw its life away because it could not stand erect and have as fine fruit as the peach tree. The geranium was fretting because it was not tall and fragrant like the lilac; and so on all through the garden. Coming to the heart’s-ease (which is a viola), he found it’s bright face lifted as cheery as ever. “Well, heart’s-ease, I’m glad amidst all this discouragement, to find one brave little flower. You do not seem to be the least disheartened.” “No, I am not of much account, but I thought that if you wanted an oak, or a pine, or a peach tree, or a lilac, you would have planted one; but as I knew you wanted a heart’s-ease, I am determined to be the best little heart’s-ease that I can.”

They who are God’s without reserve, are in every state content; for they will only what He wills, and desire to do for Him whatever He desires them to do; they strip themselves of everything, and in this nakedness find all things restored a hundred fold.

So, my dears, He created you, because He wanted you. So, today, strip yourselves of everything..all of the guilt, all of the discontent, all of the covetousness, all of the unhealthy habits and praise God for the temple He gave you….for the woman He created you to be. Seek Him to empower you to have more motivation, more balance, more health, and more discipline in your life. Allow Him to help you be your BEST SELF!! 

Can I tell you about this crazy exercise I read about in a book written for women by Christian women….it’s kind of out there, but I think I might try it. You go into your bathroom and lock the door. You take off all of your clothes and stand in front of the mirror. And starting at the top of your head, you slowly go all the way down your entire body and praise God for every part of you. The beautiful eyes you see with, the ears that allow you to hear the voices of your loved ones, and for you momma’s, even the saggy breasts that allowed you to feed all of your babies….EVERY PART OF YOU!! :)

Rejoice today my friends in the body He gave you and use it to honor Him! 

I love you guys and apologize if this is too weird for some of you! But it’s the truth. :) And if any of you want to know more about this book I am referring to, let me know. It is really written more for married women, just so you know. :)

The goal in this exercise is to not focus on your spare tire around your middle (which is what I will have to wrestle against), but to try to see your body through God’s eyes! As the book said, throughout this exercise, meditate on Psalm 139:14 and thank God that you are fearfully and wonderfully made! 

I especially love these two parts of Proverbs 31:

“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” Prov 31 :25 & 26

“Charm is deceptive , and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Prov 31:30

Love you all!

Hello my dears,

I know a lot of you (who attend Door of Hope) are in multiple coaching/discipling/mentoring relationships and I just want to say thank you for all that you do! It is such a blessing to know that I have this amazing community to help Liza and I minister to the women of Door of Hope.

As we enter into the week of Seven, I just wanted to send you all an encouragement. You know, as you enter into a week where you will possibly be giving things up in order to honor and glorify the Lord, seeking Him in prayer maybe even more than usual and simply joining in with thousands of other Christians in the city of Portland to seek Jesus and pray for revival, you must be prepared for the target on your back to seem even larger than usual!

You know that when we are working for the kingdom, there is a huge target on us and satan just longs to bring us down and I’ve honestly been in awe lately at the lengths he will go to, to try and do this - whether it is breaking down our marriages, speaking outrageous lies of failure and self condemnation or simply bringing a dark cloud over us that just makes us feel hopeless. He will do absolutely anything he can to destroy our witness, our ministries, our strength as godly women…he hates that we are having such an awakening in our church body. So, we must stay armed at all times, we must put on our armor EVERY DAY and that armor is JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF.

Lately I have just been absorbing his lies - I don’t know why I have been doing this….why am I not living in victory when I have Jesus? More than ever I have been convinced that I am failing in every area of my life - I actually just feel overwhelmed with self condemnation - whether it is the way I love my husband or how I am parenting or how much I am or am not volunteering at the elementary school, or how politically aware (or unaware) I am or how I am ministering to the women of Door of Hope, or what kind of cook I am, I could go on and on….I have been listening to the lies of the enemy…my guard was down.

But then I stop and think about the fact that my husband and I are spreading His word and the good news of His Kingdom for a living. We just started a community group in our home - our home is a house of prayer. We are three weeks in to the early morning New Testament read through…..the devil is outraged at what is happening in our life and what better way to get in the way of what we are doing than to get us discouraged by making us feel like we are failures! HE IS A LIAR AND AN ACCUSER. 

I was reading my Jesus Calling devotional a few days ago and these simple words just jumped out at me:

“So many of My children limp through their lives starved for Love, because they haven’t learned the art of receiving. This is essentially an act of faith: believing that I love with boundless, everlasting love. The art of receiving is also a discipline: training your mind to trust Me, coming close to Me with confidence. REMEMBER THAT THE EVIL ONE IS THE FATHER OF LIES. Learn to recognize his deceptive intrusions into your thoughts. One of his favorite deceptions is to undermine your confidence in My unconditional Love. Fight back against these lies! Do not let them go unchallenged. Resist the devil in My Name and he will slink away from you. Draw near to Me and My Presence will envelope you in Love.”

“He who belongs to God, hears what God says.” John 8:47

“…let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.” Hebrews 4:14b

“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit IN YOUR INNER BEING, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts THROUGH FAITH. And I pray that you being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the FULLNESS OF GOD.” Ephesians 3:16-19

So, as we enter into this week of prayer and fasting, let us remember to put on the Armor of God (meditate upon Ephesians 6), let us remember that we must be on our guard against the lies of the evil one, let us remember that our Father in heaven loves us with an everlasting love (HE ADORES US!) and that we are women of faith. Let us be rooted in Him - IN HIS TRUTH.

These verses struck me as appropriate for entering into this very special week:

“Be very careful, then how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, BE FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Ephesians 5:15-20

May we spend our week being nourished by the Holy Spirit.

Much love, Darcy

Well hello my dears.  I sit here at the computer…just staring at it…thinking, “Lord, I miss these ladies.  Please give me a fresh word to inspire them.”  Nothing.  And I sat and stared some more.

And then you know what came to me, “Dry as a bone.”  Yikes.  Part of me knows that might stun some people….I mean I’m a pastor’s wife for goodness sake….I am heavily involved in Women’s Ministry at our church…I meet with ladies on a regular basis and encourage them to go deeper with Jesus.  But you know what, my walk has felt as dry as the Sahara this summer and it is a big fat bummer and it is completely my fault. 

Today, I can identify with this verse more than ever, “As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God.  My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.  When can I go and meet with God?”  Psalm 42:1&2

I guess for the first time, it started with me letting my “work in the ministry” get in the way of my deep, mystical, supernatural connection with Jesus that I have had since the day I got saved.  I haven’t worked in 10 years…I’ve had the honor and blessing of staying home with my babies.  So, work in itself was a whole new world - trying to balance dishes and laundry and kids and cleaning house and grocery shopping and cooking, all the while trying to do a good job at pouring into the women of our church.  Before I knew it, early in the morning when I would rise to meet with Him….my bible and journal that I write in every single day (for years), was scooted to the side so that I could go over my day planner one more time and respond to all of the emails I had related to ministry.  It happened somewhat gradually….and as it happened, I got an edge to me.  It wasn’t pretty.  So, I was feeling pressed on all sides and not letting Jesus fill me back up, to do His work - I totally did that quintessential thing that I thought I would never do, and started doing it in my own strength.  Then I moved into the “martyr stage.”  Ugly!  So, all the while, my husband is leading this church and also being pulled in a million different directions and the next thing you know, church and ministry are all we are talking about….where once it had been focused on the mystical things Jesus was showing us or speaking to us.  It has all been very scary.  Then of course, my children have been home for the summer.  Which added another layer of craziness.  I am ashamed and just broken hearted to admit that my communion and intimacy with Jesus really started to take a back burner to “all that I had to do.”  Yuck.

So then, of course, it made things very “prickly” with Josh and I.  Both of us wanting the other to meet our needs, both of us feeling neglected.  I kept feeling the Lord say to me that He is my Constant - He does not disappoint - that He would give me the grace to accomplish “everything” if I would only turn the control over to Him.  But it’s just so hard, isn’t it?

So, then we go and get a puppy!  Go figure!!  So, then not only were my mornings filled with busyness, I had an 11 week darling puppy crawling on my journal and biting the pages of my bible.  Help!

So, here I am.  Hanging on by a thread because of my own neglect.  Jesus just waiting for me to return to the shelter He offers me.  He offers all of us.  Why do we do this?  

I am longing for the Wonderful Counselor, the Wounded Healer, the Physician of my soul.  I know He is longing for me too.  I feel as if I have turned a corner in the last couple of weeks and all of the sudden can see what I have done.  I am saddened.  I fall on my face before the Lord and repent….and my merciful Father let’s me stand up and begin again.  

Jesus, fill me up.  Equip me Lord, enable me to make space in the beginning of EVERY day for You Father.  I want to draw near - my soul and my heart long for Your living waters.  Wash me clean Jesus.  I pray for a fresh wind - a move of the Holy Spirit - Spirit touch me.  Heal my brokenness and fallenness.  Strengthen me Jesus.  ”I am in torment within, and in my heart I am disturbed, for I have been most rebellious.”    Jesus, thank you that even though I have drifted, you have equipped me and given me the words and the love I need to minister to the women of Door of Hope - that even in my weakness, You allowed me to glorify You by encouraging women to love You more, to know You more, to seek You more.  Why oh why did I not heed my own advice and encouragement?  Thank you that You always take me back.  You are so merciful.  ”O God…from Your fountains fill my will with fire.  Shine in my mind…occupy my heart with Your tremendous Life.”  I want to have a greater faith - let me never forget this summer, Lord, and how empty I am when I do not accept your tremendous unending love.  Thank you Father for the beautiful life you have given me…please never let me try to manage without You again.  For the first time in 10 years I felt what it was like to have a “casual” walk with You Lord and that is not what I want.  I want to love and follow you fervently, with all my heart, for the rest of my life.  Amen

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.”  James 5:16

I do think I needed to confess that to all of you, the women I minister to.  Because I am a pastor’s wife, please never hold me up to a higher standard or think we live this completely holy, pure, blameless life.  We try…by seeking Him.  But we fail.  We are sinners.  Praise God that I have never had a lengthy season like this ever before.  I pray I have learned a very valuable, yet painful, lesson.  

Seek Him ladies…practice His presence.  He has to be our number one priority.  We will never be able to navigate this life without His wisdom, His forgiveness, His power, His mercy.  

Help me to never forget this (from a precious little book my mama gave me called My Heart-Christ’s Home):

“Without question one of the most remarkable Christian doctrines is that Jesus Christ himself through the Holy Spirit will actually enter a heart, settle down and be at home there…”If a man loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.” (Jn 14:23)…I will never forget the evening I invited him into my heart.  What an entrance he made!  It was not a spectacular, emotional thing, but very real, occurring at the very center of my soul.  He came into the darkness of my heart and turned on the light.  He built a fire in the cold hearth and banished the chill. He started music where there had been stillness and harmony where there had been discord.  He filled the emptiness with his own loving fellowship.  I have never regretted opening the door to Christ and I never will.”

Yes Jesus, wash me clean.  My heart is Your Home.  Come into the darkness of my heart and turn the light back on Jesus.

On a busy few days in Spokane with my kids, visiting my parents - I had this quiet morning, alone with Jesus.  I simply share a private prayer with you.  My hope is that it will inspire you to seek Him and be reminded why you need Him so desperately.

“Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life.”  Proverbs 16:31

Jesus, help me to live a consistently righteous life - to NOT go down paths that lead to regret and feelings of remorse - to have an ability and hungry desire to stay on the NARROW path You have for me…the one where I will live an abundant life - where I will be fruitful and my light will shine.  Make me a light Lord…fill me with Your Joy.  I want to grow into spiritual maturity - to be an ‘older godly woman.’  I want to be known for a righteous life and a calm inner spirit.  I do not want to be known for being stretched too far, overwhelmed and busy - but I want to be known as a woman that has the Lord, that fears the Lord.  Like Hattie always writes, “I know You God.  I see You God.  I love You God.”  That’s what I want to be known for.

I want to be a woman who’s heart is set deep in You, God.

I sense you now Lord - as I sit here on my momma’s deck and look out at the line of majestic trees and her little chimes are ringing…I feel You Father.  I sense your nearness and feel your Power.  The wind is blowing…Holy Spirit come upon me in this day.  Come upon me like a fresh wind.  Draw me to Yourself.

Good morning ladies!  I hope this finds you enjoying your morning.  I always call mornings like this ‘misty coastal.’  When it is misty and cool and damp and foggy out….it just makes me want to curl up with my coffee and not go anywhere!  I have this New Age (used to be a cassette tape) album that I always play on mornings like this called Deep Breakfast - I’ve been listening to it on foggy mornings for 22 years :)   It just sets the mood for me.  

Anyway, something just came to mind this morning.  My dear friend has a poster in her bedroom and I just loved what it says.  The other day, after visiting a garage sale, she showed up at my house with one just like it and this is how it reads:

“A wise woman who knows her proverbs can reconcile difficulties.”

It just moved me.  It is so true.  Do we think of Proverbs like that?  Of God’s word like that?  It is there to equip us to navigate through our life you guys.  How often we get distracted and ignore it….when it is what can get us through.  As a lot of you know, I’ve only been saved about 10 1/2 years now.  I remember about 5 years ago, when we were in a VERY difficult place in ministry, I began spending my very early mornings with the Lord. I had never had regular devotions, times of meditation with Him.  I’m a ritualistic person - so I had to structure it in a way that was special and always the same.  So, I started by getting up in the dark and sitting by a window with m journal and my bible and my devotionals.  I always started by writing and praying and then always read a chapter of Proverbs for that day.  I loved it!  It provided so much wisdom and direction.  Of course, each morning, I would continue further into the word, but that first year of really bonding with Proverbs - I will just never forget it.  As I was so unhappy at that time and often destructive in my thinking and not always seeking the Lord with a joyful, thankful heart, Proverbs 14:1 really ministered to me:  ”The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”  It just redirected my thinking and made me realize that shifting my gaze, my focus, my energies back to praising Jesus and focusing on everything good He was doing in our life and just pouring into my family, would BUILD MY HOUSE.  The negative, self-focused, frustrated and discontent thoughts would simply destroy us and TEAR MY HOUSE DOWN.  That one lesson is the very tip of the iceberg of that season of falling in love with Proverbs.

You know, we each can get so self-focused on the difficult parts of our life and get in patterns of anger and depression and frustration and simply get stuck there.  Today I want to remind you to have perspective.  Look beyond yourselves today.  Rely on God’s word today to help you navigate your way out of that place of “being stuck.”  

Today is my little brother’s 40th birthday.  His name was Jason.  I think he was the first love of my life - he was a magical little creature.  Henry and Hattie each have different parts of him.  Hattie has his crazy, wild, electric personality - Henry has his gentleness and his compassion.  Jason died 16 years ago.  He died in our arms of AIDS.  So today, my momma has to wake up and remember what it was like to be a 21 year old girl, laying in a hospital bed, giving birth to this beautiful baby boy.  To remember this little boy filled with fire and light and joy and she cannot hold him again.  Girls, this is what true “difficulties” look like.

I share this story for two reasons, one is that it would mean the world to me if you would lift my momma (Melody) up in prayer today - that Jesus would be her Comforter in this very hard day.  

The other is to give you perspective on the magnitude of the difficulties that you are focused on today.  We all have so many hard things to work through in our life - but the Lord is there with us in our suffering….He gives us ‘directions’ on how to move through these things.  But I also feel that we can get side tracked and feel overwhelmed and totally discouraged by some of these hardships in our life that really should not be holding us back - the Lord is our strength you guys.  Move through these harder times with praise and thanksgiving.   It really is so important to always call your self back to having perspective - I know for me, sometimes I get focused on financial concerns and very quickly those thoughts can overtake me and I find myself in a panic and then I hear a story like the one I share here about my brother, or get news of someone losing a baby or something like that, and I’m quickly brought back to reality and the Lord reminds me that all is well.

“The fear of the Lord leads to life.  Then one rests content, untouched by trouble.”  Proverbs 19:23

“The lamp of the Lord searches the spirit of a man; it searches out his inmost being.”  Proverbs 21:27

Proverbs is so rich - I encourage you to open it up and really get into it.  It is full of treasures.  

When I was so focused on my difficulties in that year that I began my morning meditations with the Lord…when I was so focused on wanting my family out of where God had us…you know what my breakthrough was?  One day I just felt the Lord impress upon my heart that I was no longer coming to Him with a thankful heart - so I just began, each and every day, when I felt sad and overwhelmed and trapped and depressed, to simply thank Him.  I would just sit and make lists of all of the blessings that were so obviously from Him in my life.  I made a habit of this and it started to change my thinking patterns.  And then He led me to a particular Proverb:

“A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.”  Proverbs 19:11

And for whatever reason, this Proverb released me from my mental prison - I realized I was operating with an unforgiving spirit and was completely focused on some offenses that had been made against us.  The Lord, through speaking to me (WHEN I SOUGHT HIM) through His word, helped me to ‘reconcile my difficulties.’ 

I rely on that Proverb to this day.  It is forever etched on my heart.

My dears, remember that your Good Shepherd is right there with you, in the midst of the difficulty, waiting to lead you through it.  But you have to give Him a means of speaking to you.  Open His word.  Let Him shepherd you through the trials that you are walking through today.

Much love to each of you today!

Well, finally, I am posting my talk that I gave the evening of the most recent Door of Hope Ladies’ Gathering, as some of you have requested….sorry it has taken me so long!  I will try and abbreviate, so it is not too terribly long (i.e. leaving out some of my rabbit trails and stories :)  )

As many of you know, I always have to give a disclaimer before I give any kind of little talk.  I have no idea why the Lord chose me to be in this role - I’ve only been saved for 10 years and in order have this honor of sitting up here sharing with you, I feel that I should have training, more biblical knowledge, or at least a mentor for goodness sake!  But with that said, He did choose me…I always remind myself that He chooses the foolish things to confound the wise.  :)

Maybe the reason I am up here is that He knows that I know that I have absolutely nothing to offer outside of His power and strength - I look to Him to illuminate the words He’s given me to share today.  But one thing I do know is that I love Jesus - He is so real.  He has transformed my life, given me a new heart and continues to give me more of Himself every hour of every day, as long as I am abiding in Him.  He is my Heavenly Guide.

I share these words of Paul from 1 Corinthians:  ”When I came to you brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed the testimony to you about God.  For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified.  I came to you in weakness and fear and with much trembling.  My message and my teaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God’s power.”  1 Corinthians 2:1-5

So, Abundant Living.  I chose this topic because it’s been on my heart heavily for the last year and in fact, a number of you have asked me what I think Abundant Living really means.  Well, after studying, pondering the truths that I have experienced and seeking the Lord on behalf of everyone one of you ladies in this room, He gave me 3 absolutes for living an Abundant Life.

• Abiding in the Vine
• Living Sacrificially
• Living a Life Controlled by the Spirit

It’s almost a circular pattern:

• Abiding in the vine:  Remaining in Jesus
• Living Sacrificially:  Service for Jesus
• Living a life controlled by the Spirit:  Being controlled by Jesus

And living a life controlled by Jesus loops us back around to remaining in Jesus.

Which means that Abundant Living is a PROCESS.  The more we have of Him, the more we want to serve him and turn every area of our life over to Him - which leads to more of a desire to live a holy life controlled by His Spirit, which ALL leads to spiritual abundance.

The more abundantly we love and serve Him, the more abundantly we live.

God’s will for our life is to be sanctified, set apart, pure and holy.

I’ll just share a bit with you on each of these three absolutes:

ABIDING IN THE VINE

“Remain in Me, and I will remain in you.  No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine.  Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”  John 15:4

I have often said the the Lord calls us as godly women to be liberated, radiant, active and intent - the only way we can experience this FULL LIFE in the Spirit is to abide in the vine, Jesus Christ.

I love to think of the Father as our Heavenly Gardener.  What a picture - He sows, He nurtures, He prunes.  He cares for us to that we may become more fruitful as we abide in Him.

I read this in a devotional recently:  ”Does the branch continually ask the vine to supply it with sap, to show it what direction to grow?  No.  That comes naturally from the very union with the vine.”

So, ladies, remain in Him!  

“Enter His gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name.”  Psalm 100:4

LIVING SACRIFICIALLY

“Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship.” Romans 12:1

Ladies, we are called to be broken bread and poured out wine!

I see many, and often fall victim to myself, stuffing our hearts and minds with things of Jesus - church, community group, bible studies, devotions, etc. and not doing ANYTHING with it!  Are we serving others?  Are we ministering to unbelievers?  Are we part of a ministry within out church, serving our church family?  Are we SELFLESS with our faith?  

Girls, Jesus wants us to get our hands dirty!  He is filling us up so that we can do something with it!  We are called to “be spent” for others.  Never forget that.

LIVING A LIFE CONTROLLED BY THE SPIRIT

I really like the New Living Translation of Galatians 5:25:

“Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.”

This is when we need to remember that Holy Living = Abundant Living

A life controlled by the Spirit is a life that produces the fruit of the Spirit:

love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.

It is also a life that is lived within the boundaries that God has placed on it - through His provision, direction and His word.  When we are living disobediently, we are playing on the fringes of those boundaries or borders that He has defined for us.  He calls us to be holy, blameless and pure.  When we are going outside of His will in how we spend our money, what we are filling our minds with, who we are spending our time with, how much time we are (or are not) devoting to Him, we begin to lack peace and begin to feel discontent and restless and it quickly becomes evident in our spirits that we are NOT living a life controlled by THE Spirit.  When we live a life controlled by Jesus and we live within His parameters, we can move about freely in freedom, peace, abundance and liberation.

So, in closing, I am praying that you see that we are free to live abundantly, it’s actually a CHOICE and a PROCESS that we must greatly participate in!

The other point I saved for last and I am sure many of you are wondering why I have not mentioned it earlier:

Abundant Living does not always include physical or material blessing - we as lovers of Jesus may NEVER experience material or physical wealth.  We may love and adore our Most High King and still spend a life filled with sickness or pain.  It is our ‘spiritual abundance’ that concerns the Lord!  He tells us to not store up for ourselves treasures on earth (Matthew 6:19) - the Lord is not concerned with ‘stuff’ - He is concerned with us having more of Him.  He may allow pain or illness to come into our life - but He tells us that He is with us in our suffering.  He calls us to give our burdens to Him!

Yet, He does often choose to bless us with exactly what we need - He is our Heavenly Father…pouring out blessing is His natural reaction when watching His dearly beloved live lives that glorify Him.  

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived, what God has prepared for those who love him.”  1 Cor. 2:9

We must remember that He is our Provider, our Giver of all good gifts.

Lastly, I leave you with this closing encouragement:

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all of these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.  Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.  And be thankful.  Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.  And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.”  Colossians 3:12-17

Love you all!

“Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.” Psalm 16:5&6

He is such a good and generous God, may we honor Him with all that we are today - our speech, our thoughts, our generosity, our actions…the time we make for Him today. Let Him fill you up and equip you for this day.

“The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. FOR OUT OF THE OVERFLOW OF HIS HEART, his mouth speaks.” Luke 6:45

In order for this verse to ring true in our lives, “out of the good stored up in his heart,” we must make the time for Jesus to fill our hearts up with the good things He has for us. You cannot NOT make time for Him, NOT read His Word, NOT pray, NOT seek Him and think that you can run around calling yourself a Christian and think you will have peace. There will be no peace. For Jesus is our Peace. Our cars do not run on empty and neither can we.

He is so good to us you guys, He loves us, He wants to shower us with good things - peace, wisdom, knowledge, discernment, JOY - He wants to pour His Spirit out on us, but this will not happen if we do not open our bibles, get on our knees and keep looking up to Him.

He is our portion. Seek Him and you will find Him. He does not drift, we do.

Love you ladies!

“Be calm, be true, be quiet.  I watch over you.  Rest in My Love.  Joy in the very beauty of Holiness.  You are Mine.  Deliverance is here for you, but thankfulness and joy open the gates.”  - from God Calling

Today Lord, I thank You for the freedom You bring when we live according to Your Will - when we live peaceful, obedient, holy lives.  I also thank You for the ‘checks’ You place in our spirit when we wander beyond the parameters You have placed on our lives.  Thank You, that like a shepherd, You bring us back to the narrow path that you have for us.

“Be still and know that I am God!”  Psalm 46:10a

“…the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.”  Romans 8:6b

Oh, Heavenly Gardener, make me more like you.

Little tired girl on mama’s lap at the end of a busy week (Taken with instagram)